Internal Memo: How to understand me better…

You know you're Australian if …
 
 
*  You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

*  You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.

*  You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount

vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

*  You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil

case when he first attends school.

*  You're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans

"rooting" for something.

*  You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black

thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

*  You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bn'.

*  You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'.

*  You believe the 'l' in the word 'Australia' is optional.

 *  You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to

Maccas.'

*  You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its

highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

*  You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really,

truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.

*  You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

*  You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

*  You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's

twice as big as its $2 coin.

*  You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but

'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.

*  You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast

spread. You've also squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little

Vegemite worms.

*  You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they

stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

 * Hamburger with Beetroot? Of course!

*  You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any

rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'.

*  You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has

become smaller with every passing year.

 *  You wear ugh boots outside the house.
 
*  You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by

an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

*  You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you

like them.

*  Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order

takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

*  You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is

always polite.

*  You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

*  You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to

handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.

*  Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for

beach cricket.

*  You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they

call 'Anzac cookies'.

*  You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.

*  You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black

tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

*  You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

*  When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the

need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
 
*  You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in

-o: arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo,

smoko, speedo, righto etc.

 *  You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located

in the middle of nowhere…no matter where you actually are.

*  You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it

tastes like shit. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.

*  You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the

summer. Maybe even as perfume.

*  You've only ever used the words – tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet

– to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you

REALLY mean it.

*  You know that the barbeque is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the salad.

 *  You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.

*  You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.

*  You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours.

*  You've ordered a steak the size of your head and only paid $5 at your local RSL.

*  You know you that roo meat tastes pretty good, but not as good as barra. Or a meat pie.

*  You know that some people pronounce Australia like "Strayla" and that's ok.

*  And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

 With thanks to Aussie neighbor Rob.